为什么我想读博？
2024年五月下旬，我经历了这些年来唯一一次失落，心中黯然神伤之际，终于有时间整理一下思绪，回顾多年来追求博士头衔的心路历程。谨希望留下此篇随笔，告诫六年之后的自己，勿忘初心，方得始终。
我的祖辈来自于中国北方广袤山区中的一个小山村。虽自有记忆以来，我便是在上海长大，享受锦衣玉食，父母的关怀与教导让我至今坚信我是世界上最幸福的人。但是，每年回老家看望长辈时，我又能目睹世间的众生百态。喝过漂着泥土的井水，住过四处漏风的房屋，见过赶集的老翁带着八斤自己割下来的荠菜苗，三点起床，披星戴月赶到镇里，只为每斤多卖五毛钱。巨大的落差让我无比动容，感伤之余，我也无时无刻不在思考，如何才能更好地造福于更多人，提高他们的福祉？
如今，我俨然找到了答案。我希望在未来能更多从事宏观经济方向的研究，献言献策，把蛋糕做大，保持经济增长，压低失业率。或许这些微不足道的努力可以普惠众生。正如《大学》中所言，"修身、齐家、治国、平天下"，我愿以此自勉，尽己所能为社会做出贡献。
当然，我的世界观尚未成熟，或许依然有很多不完善之处。闲暇之余，我常思考与人为善的意义，思考治大家与齐小家的辩证统一，探究爱情与事业之间的抉择。这些形而上学的问题，答案只能由未来的我慢慢解答。知者不惑，仁者不忧，勇者不惧，我希望自己能在不断的思考和实践中，逐步接近这种境界。
人有言，老吾老以及人之老，幼吾幼以及人之幼，我希望我的所学、所感、所为能帮助更多的人，哪怕素未谋面。
在接下来的六年里，我希望自己能一如既往地做到与人为善，严于律己，宽以待人。以严格的道德规范来约束自己，为身边的朋友带来快乐，为国民百姓带来福祉。苟日新，日日新，又日新，不断反省和提升自己，无时无刻，都不应停下前进的脚步，先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐，鞠躬尽瘁，死而后已。
Here is a English Version: My Dreams
In late May 2024, I experienced my first and only major disappointment in many years. In my sorrow and melancholy, I finally had the time to sort out my thoughts and reflect on the journey I have taken in my pursuit of a PhD. I hope to leave behind this essay as a reminder to my future self, six years from now, to never forget the original intention and to see it through to the end.
My ancestors came from a small village in the vast mountainous regions of northern China. Although I have grown up in Shanghai since I can remember, enjoying a life of luxury, my parents' care and guidance have made me believe that I am the happiest person in the world. However, every year when I return to my hometown to visit my elders, I witness the varied facets of life. I have drunk well water mixed with soil, lived in houses that leak air from all sides, and seen elderly men bring eight pounds of self-harvested shepherd's purse to the market, waking up at three in the morning, traveling under the stars, just to sell it for fifty cents more per pound. The stark contrast leaves me deeply moved and often pondering what could change all of this.
Now, I seem to have found the answer. I hope to engage more in macroeconomic research in the future, offering suggestions and strategies to expand the economy, maintain growth, and reduce unemployment. Perhaps these small efforts can benefit the broader population. As stated in "The Great Learning," "Cultivate oneself, regulate the family, govern the state, and bring peace to the world." I aspire to follow this path and contribute as much as I can to society.
Certainly, my worldview is not yet mature and may still have many imperfections. In my spare time, I often contemplate the meaning of benevolence, the dialectical unity of managing a large family versus a small family, and the choices between love and career. The answers to these metaphysical questions can only be slowly unraveled by my future self. "The wise are free from doubts; the virtuous are free from anxiety; the brave are free from fear." I hope to gradually approach this state through continuous reflection and practice.
As it is said, "Honor the aged in your family and extend that respect to the aged in other families; care for the young in your family and extend that care to the young in other families." I hope that what I learn, feel, and do can help more people, even those I've never met.
In the next six years, I hope to continue being kind to others, strict with myself, and lenient with others. By adhering to strict moral standards, I aim to bring joy to my friends and welfare to the people. "If you can improve yourself in a single day, do so every day, and let there be daily renewal." Constantly reflecting and improving oneself, one should never stop moving forward. As Fan Zhongyan said, "Be the first to worry about the world's troubles and the last to rejoice in its happiness." With unremitting dedication, may I exhaust all my efforts, even unto death.